MostacciolEH

Overview
A weird blue buffoon who knows almost all things (except why orangutans and oranges are not one in the same) and lives in a cave high upon the Dumb Mountain. He adorns himself in countless beads made to resemble a beard and a wizard's hat as a sign that he sucks with magic, and he doesn't get drunk enough on beer to grow a beard. Or at least that is his belief. When he is asked why he wears no clothes (other than boxers with Mexican cormorants on them), he claims that clothing matches his glorious blue skin horribly, so he shall not wear anything but his bead beard and hat. Being a unique combination of stupid and wise, MostacciolEH is often visited by adventurers seeking advice on their quests. Each of these visitors is tasked with finding a certain type a Crunchwrap whose main ingredient is alluded to in a riddle. If the journeyman returns with the right item in a Crunchwrap, he is rewarded with the answers he seeks and an item that should help him in his adventure like a magic weapon or piece of armor. Sometimes, maybe a coupon for free food items at the Booty Burger restaurant that no one likes. However, if the traveler brings the wrong item for MostacciolEH's Crunchwrap, then he is simply told to 'get the f#@& out of my cave'.

History
MostacciolEH was born from a father who ate too many blueberries and a mother who only drank blue kool aid; both of which are shrouded in mystery, for they simply didn't want their names to be written down on paper with ink. Supposedly, they'd have rather had them written on blueberry pancakes with blue glitter glue, but that's beyond illegal! Thus, MostacciolEH's parents shall forever be unknown. Anyways, MostacciolEH was raised in preparation for a life as a wise and stupid monk since he was born. One day when MostacciolEH reached legal drinking age and drank a rum on a rough rug, the Mexican cormorant Jorge appeared before him whooping and shaking his maracas for reasons unknown, but the whooping and maraca shaking would forever change the young blue monk forever and make him crazily crave AM Crunchwraps. Then suddenly, Jorge accidentally kicked MostacciolEH in the balls, and MostacciolEH shouted 'damn it you stupid Mexican cormorant, what the f*** f***ity f*** f*** f***?!?!'. Jorge had never heard a blue man say this to him in such anger from kicked balls and knew this was a sign that this blue colored boob was destined to guide many a hero to glory. Therefore, he gifted MostacciolEH with a magic Crunchwrap that would give him great amounts of both wise stupidity and stupid wisdom as well as a glittery ice bag for his aching testicles that would ensure that his balls never hurt again no matter what happens to them. Only a powerful fart right onto them would break their immortality. Several years after the Jorge shenanigan, MostacciolEH would come across the wet stone, a an amethyst gem that was always wet but also a part of Lord Timrex's treasure hoard. Upon crossing paths with Lord Timrex at 2nd & Charles and giving him the wet stone, the reptilian ruler would reward MostacciolEH by using his bladed tail to carve out a cave high upon Dumb Mountain just a few miles north of the 2nd and Charles. Since then, MostacciolEH would live in this mountain cave meditating about Crunchwraps, eating Crunchwraps, watching The Room, playing Destiny and complaining about it while doing so, and playing an organ with maces. Oh yeah and he'll do that guiding heroes who bring him the right Crunchwrap gig mentioned in the overview of this page. Sometimes... When the travelers come to see him... Here and there...